I felt for sure last night
That once we said goodbye
No one else will know these lonely dreams
No one else will know that part of me
I'm still driving away
And I'm sorry every day
I won't always love these selfish things
I won't always live...
Not stopping...
It was my turn to decide
I knew this was our time
No one else will have me like you do
No one else will have me, only you
You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine
Amazing still it seems
I'll be 23
I won't always love what I'll never have
I won't always live in my regrets…
[Jimmy Eat World: ‘23’]
How far would you go to forget someone? You could stop seeing them. You could stop talking about them. You could stop hanging out at places that remind you of that person. You might even think about seeing other people. And by this time, you’re probably over that person.
Not me though.
I stopped seeing her last year, it didn’t help. I stopped talking about her, it didn’t help. I stopped going to the places we used to go to, it didn’t help. I started thinking about other people, there was no one else I could bring myself to like.
But there’s more…
I moved to a new city, thousands of miles away, it still didn’t help. I began doing drugs, that didn’t help either. I began taking crazy risks, hoping I’d kill myself somewhere down the line… but it didn’t work. I tried to convince myself that I liked someone else, but that wasn’t true.
Waleed died and Sidra cried. She will never get over it, because this is not the way it was supposed to end. She can’t ever see him again because he’s dead. She can’t have him because he’s dead. It’s physically, chemically and elementally impossible.
You’re still alive. You’re still here. I still can’t have you… ever. That cloudy day, when I was driving on the Mall and you were sitting in your office, and we were both looking at the clouds, you wanted me to tell you who I want to marry and I told you it’s someone you can never get me. That’s because it’s you. You’re the only one I ever loved, will ever love and will always love. Love isn’t a powerful enough word for what I feel. You can never understand what I feel, and that will kill me.
You want to know why I always fought with you? It was because I cared. I fought because it was the only way my emotions could get out. Love and hate are so alike its never clear when one stops and the other begins. But I know now which it is.
From the looks of it, things aren’t going to change. You’re going to keep drifting from one schmuck to another, and I’m going to be condemned to just standing there, watching you throw your life away.
Forever is a long time. Try being in my shoes. I double dare you.
